A career is just something to do until you die
by Marcella
I did a daring thing today. I emailed the head of the creative writing department at a regional college to inquire about part of the PhD application process. To me, a critical paper at this point in the game is backed by a research study, a hypothesis, and detailed outcomes. My MFA didn’t require or offer any such thing, and I’m pretty sure most creative writing programs don’t. But because the critical paper is the one part of the PhD application I don’t already have, it’s the one thing holding me back from doing something potentially dumb/rewarding like getting my doctorate.
Now, I’m not so sure that a PhD will happen for me right now. I mean, I know I want to continue bettering myself as a teacher, because I want to be as effective as possible. I know I want to continue learning, and what better way to do that than continue the education path I’ve been on for all but 10 years of my life? And I know that only in enrolling in a structured teaching program will I get what I missed out on in the low-residency MFA program I participated in.
BUT what I really want to do is travel. Go around the world. Open a hostel. Meet people from around the world. Get sand in my toes. Or else I want to just read manuscripts and be involved with writing from a publishing point of view. I KNOW without a doubt I must be involved with writing and words and ideas in some way. I cannot comprehend the idea of going back to a drudgery job where people use their minds for menial tasks. I was thinking the other day that I miss having time to write, and I do, but no retail job is worth that. Unless it was a bookstore job… And still, even then, I dunno. So the problem with my wants and desires is my needs. I NEED a job that pays more than minimum wage. I NEED a job that stimulates me but doesn’t overtax and leave me stressed and frazzled. And I NEED a job that is a career, not just a job. Someday I want to own a house (or that hostel) and I know that I’ll want a retirement plan some day, or at least enough money of my own to stash away over the years.
So. Even though I am seriously in love with the idea of running away and doing nothing, I know I need that career. It’s a depressing thought– that I can’t job hop anymore– and last night I was really feeling that a career is just something to do until you die. Despite the sobriety of that fact, it’s true. Which is what prompted me to contact this English department. If the reply is favorable, and they will let me write the kind of essay/hypothesis/literature review I want to write, then full steam ahead. I’ll try to get into grad school 2.0. If not, well, Colombia sure sounds nice. Maybe I could have a literary themed hostel and travel journal?
