Grateful for all that is
by Marcella
Another year almost down the drain! Just a month ago I was sitting in front of this computer, chillaxing at my parents’ place during Thanksgiving, and here I am again, procrastinating with lesson plans and my own writing once again. It seems like only a few weeks ago that I was with my family for my dad’s birthday and my aunt’s birthday part in June; wasn’t I just turning 28, like a few days ago? Nope, 29, two days ago, to be precise. It’s a cliché to say it’s hard to believe that the year has already passed me by, so I try to avoid saying it, but it’s true. 2011 is almost history. And what a history I made for myself this year.
As I review the past year, I’m proud of my accomplishments, thankful for all the struggles I went through with the heart-grenade kid, and even happy to find myself teaching once again. I’m not sure if the end of the year will find me working as a teacher still, but at least I’ve learned that I can get through a class, help students and find meaning in all my fuckups. As I look toward 2012 I’m excited about making time for me, now that I have no “real” homework” assignments (lesson plans, though, have replaced them), and getting to the gym on a regular basis. My friend Shannon and I want to participate in some kind of uber 5K thing later in 2012, so I’m working on getting into 5K shape myself. Next year at this time I’ll be 30, so the time to get back my runner self is now!
I’m sad that the HGK and I will probably never be friends in the way we were during the good times in the past year, but I am sure that the next guy will be thankful for all that the HGK made me work on in myself and consider as a relationship partner. I hope he has learned something from me, too. I’m feeling pretty confident that I truly learned what is important to me as I look for a partner, and what I can and can’t deal with. It’s a bummer to know I can’t go for the 90% spontaneous/10 % stable mix anymore, but I guess it’s a good thing to know!
The other big part of self-awareness for the year is really knowing that I will no longer be able to do a job “just to get by” anymore. No, I have experienced the awesomeness of what it means to discuss books and ideas and writing and stories as part of my job, and working in an environment any less stimulating and challenging would just kill me. More than a bad day on the job does. I’m no so certain that teaching is where I really want to be-no time for my own writing-but I AM certain that I want to stay in higher ed, in some capacity. I’ve always loved being a student, or being in that academic atmosphere, so it shouldn’t surprise me. The PhD has tickled my brain again as of late, but I’m holding off on that for now because I want to keep the promise I made to myself, that I would take it easy for a year after graduating and work to publish some of the shit I worked on for two years. So with 2012 and 5 months left in that “year,” I’m trying to just focus on what’s in front of me right now. I have my other goals for the year of course (work on Spanish, take some math classes, learn Excel and Access), but one of the other things I really want to work on is simply being grateful for what I’ve got going for me. Spending time at home as much as I have in the past year (was home in Feb., then April, then June, then August, Nov. and now) has been great, so the schedule I’ve got is somehow perfect. Even if I can’t see it as such sometimes.
I think feeling this way is the best way to end a year, and if I can carry this sentiment over into much of the next year, then who knows what a year from now will have me doing, as I sit here, plunking away at the keyboard, in the basement in Nebraska.
